here is an old post that i found in on of my old blogs:
[1/1/2002 9:58:05 PM | Eizelle G]

hey this has been a long time coming. i havent written in this thing for a long time and as one of my new years resolutions, i will try to write in it as much as possible.
This year has had its ups and downs for me. the beginning was slow but near the end it picked up the pace. where to begin? in the begining of the year it was the same as is every year. i sit on my fat ass and watch tv all night long while feelings of envy pulse through me hoping one year i will be able to join dick clark one day in times square. one year i hope to be somewhere and be something and get to do things that i never dreamed of but alas im still at home dreaming of that day. its the same every year and it is starting to get boring. im always inside.
for 17 years ive stayed inside my house. it sucks so much i guess thats why i want to get out and do something.
then college and everything came up so fast. i thought i knew what i wanted to do but as the year progressed i dont know any more.im really confused and at times i just want to leave. i dont want to think about about it anymore but it will always be there. if i dont get in to any college i dont think i will go at all or i will leave for austraila and start over my short life over where nobody will know me. maybe ill be better off there. i dont know anymore what i want to do. one day i want to be an interior designer, the next day i want to be a film major, the next day i want to be a landscape architect. i thought i knew what i wanted to do but now im lost. im stuck and it is somewhere i dont want to be. i hurts me to tell my grandmother that i WILL be going to college but reality i dont really know. i just want to graduate take a long nap and wake up somewhere i want to be. i dont want to do it all myself. i dont want to let people down. im surrounded by people who succeed everyday sometimes i feel lost and detached because that is not something i want to do. im going crazy thinking about this so ill move on
i got asked to do a movie called pearl harbor. the lady said it was going to be big but i didnt show up. so to make up i showed up for an extra call in the pal gym for a movie called may day. i danced to nonexistant music with a bunch of people i dont know. they were weird people and cool people. i was all alone. i knew nobody really and was forced to mingle. i dont regret it though i met the coolest people that day. they were people i can see myself talking to about nothing and making bubbles with spit. that day was the greatest i met someone you dont get in oxnard. till this day i think about him and i dont know why. when it was all over, i didnt say goodbye. i knew i would never see him again
who
this last year i hung out with my friend more often. we watched movies went shopping and did just about everything. i dont know what i would do without you guys.
as the year comes i dont know what to expect. will it be good or bad? who knows? i think its time to make that call to Miss Cleo.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

ho hum....what a tiring day, forst school got out at 12 right so i go home right after practice to eat and then i go to the meet against pacifica we of course won....then i go home to eat some more and then sleep for an hour, then i find out that my church is going bowling fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun....yeah you get it.....anyyways i saw mike adair it was weird. the thing that i hate about going to the "cosmic bowling" on base is that it if full of hicks and scary people. so i dont really like the base bowling alley. i really suck at that game...the music sucked too they played color me bad "all for love" it was great it brought back all the memories of the past. man do i love to watch conan its really late and it is raining boo! and me only wearing a long sleeve shirt......did i also tell you that i fell at ventura. i was about to jump in for the backstroke, and bam i fell.i was laughing really hard and i jsut slipped in the pool and tried to play it off like nothing, it didnt work but it was the highlight of the whole meet. i also saw that cute asian guy that me and annie like......boy am i tired.....and everyone is trying to get me to go to prom i mean there is really nothing big about it......hmmm now i need a job for my extended summer, i dont really care i mean i have a semester to think about my life and what i want to do.....disneyland? who knows then i have to learn how to drive......i always wanted to be a pro wakeboarder maybe i should who knows right? i want to take the road less traveled i want to go out there and have fun doing whatever i want to....travel, i dont know college is always there if all fails and i dont do anything, then ill go.what do i do?

today was a good day i actually camee in first in a race! i was excited...it may have been a relay and we might have really came in second I came in first....i was really proud of myself because i also swam a 100m freestyle.....the pool water in newbury park is sweat water. their pool is hot, and salty. it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. its like swimming in sweat its uncomfortable, and weird. but anyways i also go tthe picture with me and ozma boy. i dont know his name or anything else i just have a picture with him and it makes me smile everytime i look at it....then i though about eddie again and how they dont make people like him......then i made a pie....oh man i deserve a churro! who else is with me.....and the white stripes were on letterman last night and i taped it woo i lilke the white stripes and then i got a new verbena song oh how i love them.... and jack johnson man i love him and then there is mock orange, they make good music.....then there is youth brigade and a fugazi and stuff......wow how did i get on the subject of music? hmmm......yeah i want a churro!

it has been a weird week, first i have a dream about a robot that chases me an a bunch of people around school, then i go to the dance on friday....it sucked i wish i went to the show instead but my parents wer like no you have to be home by 11:30pm but im like the show wont end till later so dont go! man i wish i was 18 now and had some money and a job and a car. the dance blew it long and blew it hard! it sucked i danced only b.c the the music was playing and thats what everyone was doing. i cant dance and i dont see the big deal about dances they are not that fun and it just a bunch of people dry humping on the dance floor...because that is all i saw. i would rather stay at home put on a cd and read than go to a dance. the swim meet thing has been going great. im close to actually coming in first place. i just need to learn how to count......its great. im improving and this week we have two away meets and we swim against pacifica. last i saw them they were hanging on to the lane lines. hopefully it will be fun.....yeah i didnt get into any school so ill be applying to spring semester to schools if nothing changes. so i have a semester to work and then quit and then go to school i dont want to but its the way it has to be....no to tell my parents......but hopefully they will understand....maybe if i play the card right i can go and be the pro wakeboarder i wanted to be or intern at vagrant or drive thru records or there is always disneyland. i dont know what to do know...i guess its all in God's hands now...what do i do? i feel so stupid and left behind b.c everyone is moving forward while i stay behind....i want to move forward but i guess its gonna be later than everyone elses. i just dont know what the future holds for me i guess ill just have to wait and see.